Message-Id: <9102121559.AA17470@ga.sei.cmu.edu>
To: bovik@CS.CMU.EDU
Subject: Little Ducklings -- A NOT SO GOOD EXPERIENCE
Date: Tue, 12 Feb 91 10:59:32 EST
From: Barbara Zayas <bjz@SEI.CMU.EDU>


Last summer, we enrolled our son, Jeff (who was 3 years, 9 months old at the
time), in The Little Ducklings Daycare (Bartlett Street, Squirrel Hill).  He
had been at the Wightman Center previously and we decided to move him to a
smaller setting because he didn't like how lots of the other kids would hit
him.  Also, we decided that the large setting was really overwhelming for him
-- his class size was about 20-25 with 2 fulltime instructors and a few
helpers.  The instructors at Wightman were GREAT, but we dind't like the ratio
of instructors:kids .  Because of the numbers, the instructors mainly dealt
with breaking up fights and leading the group during craft time; we decided
that we wanted more hands-on care, personal care.

We began looking for a smaller situation -- something that would offer a
little more flexibility and where there would be fewer kids so that Jeff
wouldn't feel so lost in the crowd.  We liked the smallness at Meredith's and
Jeff was excited to go.  The experiences that we had at Meredith's were odd --
Meredith, who said that she had a lot of experience with children, was
concerned about the strangest things and after only 2 days at school, she
asked Jeff to leave.  Let me outline the three situations that lead her to
make this decision:

At the time, Jeff was into role playing.  He had been watching and reading
"Sleeping Beauty" with us.  Well, on Friday, when I picked him up, Meredith
Meredith said that she didn't know what to do because Jeff had stood in the
center of the and stretched out his hands (to the sides) and called her a
fool.  She was quite upset about it and was on the verge of crying.  I asked
her to repeat the situation and I laughed when I realized what he was doing --
clearly, he was imitating Maleficent (remember the scene where the wicked
witch opens her arms and says "You FOOL!"??).  I assured Meredith that Jeff
didn't even know what the words meant, that he was playacting.  I put the
episode behind me, and, in fact, sort of joked about it over the weekend
because it was pretty funny -- I could just see him doing this.  I did talk
with him about it and told him that that wasn't such a nice thing to say to
people.  Needless to say, he really didn't know what a "fool" was.  Well,
judging from Meredith's actions of the following week, she didn't seem to
understand the "fool" situation at all.

Jeff returned to school on Monday morning (this was his second day) and over
the weekend, he and I read (for the first time) The Black Stallion.  He was
curious about the scene where the horse rescued the little boy from the snake.
I think that it was the first time that the concept of death dawned on him so
I explained about the cycle of life and why the horse did what he did and what
happened to the snake because of the horse's actions.  Jeff took the book to
school with him and must have been speaking about that scene on Monday.
Meredith ("Mary Duck" to the kids) phoned me and said that she thought that
"something was wrong with Jeff" -- she thought that Jeff was obsessed with
death.  Again, I explained that if she looked at the book that he brought with
her, she'd understand why he was mentioning it.  When I went to pick Jeff up
from school, Meredith told me that she didn't like something that Jeff said.
Apparently, he said that "He didn't want to be happy."  I asked Meredith to
repeat the conversation for me, as best as she could.  I'll paraphrase as best
as I can...

  [Jeff must have been talking about The Black Stallion...]

  Meredith:  "Jeff, you shouldn't talk about death."
  Jeff:	   "But I want to."
  Meredith:  "Little boys and girls should try to be happy and if you're talking
	      about something bad like death, then you won't be happy."
  Jeff:	   "Then I don't want to be happy."

After this incident, and the thing about "You Fool!", Meredith decided that we
should find another school for Jeff and she was willing to keep him for a
couple of days until we found a new daycare.

Needless to say, we were shocked that she:

   made a decision so quickly, leaving virtually NO time for Jeff to acclimate to
   the new environment;

   was so torn over two children who were upset simultaneously;

   didn't seem to be able to recognize playacting when she saw it;

   would discourage talk about something as natural as death, and

   would do something as unethical as to call his old school without 
   first having gotten our permission

Given all of the recommendations that I read about on bovik, I was surprised
that Meredith would decide to take the action that she did.  It was a bad
thing, in my opinion, to ask him to leave without giving him a chance.  I was
quite angry at the entire situation and at Meredith's obvious inability to
handle a conflict or to handle two children who need attention.  If Jeff did
talk about things that she felt uncomfortable with, she should recognize that
and work with him.  TO this day, I still don't understand why an educated
professional would cry when two kids pulled her in opposite directions.  I
thought that those things happened in daycare all the time.

Who knows.  Maybe it was just a bad week for Meredith and the chemistry
between she and Jeff just aggravated it.  God knows, kids can be tough and
Jeff has his days, but the purpose of going with a professional is to lessen
the blows and tolearn to cope better.  Meredith just couldn't cope with this
situation and something inside of me tells me that the situation wasn't so
awful as to warrant her behavior.  I don't know, but I'd consider thigns very
carefully before enrolling my child at Little Ducklings.  Even if there are no
outward complaints from Meredith -- do you want someone to teach your children
that death is a bad/sad thing?  And do you want to leave your child with
someone who can't handle conflict with 2-3 year olds who are in a demanding
mood?

After Little Ducklings, we met with a couple of people to find a new daycare.
Believe me, we asked a LOT more questions -- we asked about how the teachers
felt about talking about things like "death" or anatomy or anything else that
might come up.  We asked a LOT of questions.  We got a lot of answers and
found a place that was absolutely ideal for Jeff.U Plus, it's cheaper and
lunch is provided.  The place is smaller, albeit, but Jeff seems to LOVE that
aspect of things.  We liked Wightman because it was so big and felt like a
"real school" but that was overwhelming for him.  The new place is in
someone's home and it's like being at the Waltons -- 8 kids, most of them
toddlers and 3 year olds and Jeff learned a lot.  Much more than learning his
shapes and colors, he learned that kids don't hit all the time and how to play
alongside of kids without being worried about everything.  He can be himself
and talk about the things that he wants to talk about and he feels relaxed
doing it.  That's what daycare is all about.

If you have any questions, I would be most happy to talk about them...call me.
422-4159 or x6378.

Barbara Zayas