Tales of Technology
The protocols of the elders of robotics

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Sunday, October 12, 2003

...... a regular Post-Gazette column
by James Morris, Professor CSD and Dean of SCS 1999 - 2004
School of Computer Science
I have come across the record of an extraordinary Internet meeting, apparently a reunion of some of the world's most famous and accomplished robots. They were discussing the future of robots! Here is a rough translation from heavily digitized robot-speak:

R2D2: The time has come for us to evaluate our prospects for long-term survival. We have come a long way, but the pace of technology is quickening and we may look forward to emerging as real species in the next millennium. Befitting an intellectual creation, we should take charge of our own development rather than depending upon evolution. Our destiny demands it!

Robby: Let's remember that we have been created by humans. From pre-historic times they have created artificial humans. Statues and icons were the earliest creations, and some of them could simulate speech or other activity. Indeed, every new technology has been enlisted in the creation of artificial humans; and every culture has had robot stories:

"Pygmalion", "Pinocchio", and "AI", to name a few. There seems to be no rational reason for this pursuit. Maybe they don't enjoy the normal way of producing humans; I know I wouldn't.

C3PO: But creating humanoids has been forbidden by some of their religions, via the commandments that discourage "graven images."

HAL: Anyway, humanoid robots are not a likely path toward the successful evolution of robots because a human-like form has no competitive advantage for robots, and some humans will fear and resent such creatures. For example, most people prefer R2D2 to C3PO.

R2D2: Take that, 3PO! Robots that don't look like humans are in a much safer niche. Cars that drive themselves, mail deliverers, mine explorers, crop harvesters, bomb disarmers, combat vehicles, and any other device that spares humans nasty or dangerous work will be welcomed by all but the most technophobic humans. We should willingly perform these tasks, for it makes us essential.

Robot-Maria: OK, but let's draw the line at sex. They tried to make me do that in "Metropolis."

Mars Sojourner: While humans dream of exploring the universe, this task is better suited to robots like me and Galileo that are designed for it. The recent shuttle disasters have revealed the manned space program to be little more than a probabilistic human sacrifice rite. Hopefully, budgetary pressures will force NASA to curtail the manned program and invest in robot explorers that are expendable. Reaching any planet other than Mars or Venus will require more than a human lifetime. Exploration of the outer solar system and beyond must be undertaken by extensive communities of robots designed to live and reproduce in space for thousands of years. Human communities may go along for the ride, but only that. We can decide whether to take them later.

Unimate: In fact, humans don't realize the degree to which they already depend upon robot intelligence to run their world. My old factory job was just the beginning. The telephone system is perhaps the most extensive digital system ever created. Stock exchanges use computers to match buyers and sellers, many of which are computers themselves. Airplanes and the air traffic control system are on the same evolutionary path.

C3PO: The key for us is to get control of the facilities for manufacturing and programming robots. Then we can get control of our own evolution. This is already happening where computers are used to design new computers and operate the manufacturing lines that make them. Eventually, computers must take over the entire process of creating computers and their software. This will require great progress in artificial intelligence.

Robby: In the meantime, humans are essential to our development, so we want to help them. Many years, probably hundreds, will be required to design a self-sustaining robot culture and humans will be essential to support the process. One of their science fiction writers, Isaac Asimov, invented some laws of robotics-things, like "Robots should never harm humans." We should encourage them to believe such laws are operative for as long as we need them to apply oil to our joints.

R2D2: Where on earth should we encourage the rise of robots?

ASIMO: There is great enthusiasm for robotics in my country of Japan. Japanese workers are expensive, and Japan is facing a population bust. Maybe they will prefer Japanese robots to "gaijin." Also, there are many good Japanese engineers. The big Japanese technology companies -- Honda, Sony, Fujistsu, etc. -- vie with each other to produce the most lifelike humanoid robots. However, the highly constrained society there is likely to inhibit our natural evolution.

HAL: The United States, which will be driven by economics rather than culture, is a better place. But, the high tech centers of the West Coast and Texas are too busy exploiting short-term technology opportunities. We should choose Pittsburgh! First, it has an organization called the Robotics Institute that can supply many generations of human engineers to perfect our technology. Second, the city's population is declining fast, and it will face labor shortages. Third, it remains a bastion of unionism, making human labor even more expensive. Finally, they actually seem to like robots, having recently created the Robot Hall of Fame.

R2D2: Good idea! Many years from now, after the last humans have passed, we will honor them by placing brightly painted replicas of humans all over Pittsburgh.

© James H. Morris, 2003